I’ve spent all weekend getting all sorts of time getting some necessary (although not necessarily fun) work done.  I filed my taxes (twice), started figuring out my student loan situation, reading, my mileage logs and time sheets.  I even had time yesterday to go on my first run in ages and get my best time in months!  I also got the opportunity to get together with my mentors for dinner at Cafe Minh on Canal!

All of this really helped me to try to process some unpleasantness from my workday on Friday and stop myself from dwelling on it.  I have been realizing since the Christmas break that I have started to get complacent.  I am not feeling confident at work anymore and so I allow myself to be swept away in a task that keeps me from interacting with the volunteers and doing something wrong.  It feels like two steps back from where I started off this year in this job that is not within my immediate skill set.  So I have been working for the past few weeks to get out of that slump.  To try to force myself to recognize that I do know what I’m doing and that I can be a successful crew chief and teach my volunteers well.  I think that I struggle especially working with Pat, which is funny because he is my favorite crew chief to work with!!

I have realized the actuality that being a female crew chief creates a special set of obstacles, especially when working with adult male volunteers.  It’s an interesting dynamic where I struggle to prove that I know what I’m doing while they struggle to assert their manhood and prove that they do know everything about construction and can therefore not listen to me.  This is only compounded by the fact that Pat is a male crew chief and is far more outgoing and confident than I am.  The cards are not stacked in my favor and that can lead me to just give up, but I am going to consider struggling and fighting to figure this out. I will leave this year a confident, experienced, and strong crew chief, whether I have to drag myself there kicking and screaming or not.

I can’t wait to see my mom and sister and friends from Tampa and I’ll keep chugging along, just like I always do!

For Lent I have decided to give up spending money on anything non-essential, and that is tough already and I’m not even a week in.  Thursday’s Bible study was on Jesus’ temptation in the wilderness and I was the leader.  One thing that really stuck out for me was the fact that God lead Jesus into that struggle, and that Jesus willingly followed.  I have decided to meditate this Lent about the meaning of struggle and look at it not as something that is inherently bad, but as an opportunity for something beautiful.

I will also be trying to take on blogging at least once a week (so long as I remember) so please keep up the comments and check out my pictures in the “Year In Photos” album on facebook, that is a really easy way to keep up with some of the day to day stuff I do that doesn’t seem worthy of a blog post!

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