It has been way too long, so long in fact that I have a feeling I’m going to remind myself of one of those recaps at the beginning of a television show when it comes back from it’s summer break and most of its fan base has forgotten some of the finer details from the previous season.  The truth is that there just isn’t a whole lot going on these days that feels all that new or exciting.

Last time I posted I had just spoken to Pat about my issues being an assertive crew chief and while I did work super hard to counter my own personality and try to keep myself from hiding in a corner, I have had several weeks in a row now with no volunteers and that has put me right back where I started.  I am worried about the possibility of having a big group this coming week at a house that I am not entirely familiar with and working with a crew chief I don’t feel 100% comfortable with.  My fellow crew chiefs and I spent the first half of this week at the house where I’m headed next week finishing up some jobs that require a bit more finesse than your average volunteer brings to the table and it was a frustrating week to say the least.  Tuesday was an especially frustrating day where I got stuck working on a door alone and it was a closet door and I may or may not have ended up crying a few times alone in that God forsaken closet.  It was a long day…(Thank you to Patrick Higgins for fixing it but not doing it for me and for convincing me that I don’t suck at my job which I am afraid I do most of the time).  Wednesday I went back in, installed the door in 15 minutes flat thanks to some extreme power sanding by my partner in crime and then I spent the rest of the afternoon working on other things that were slightly challenging and reminding myself that I do know what I’m doing a lot of the time.

Things with my relationship life have been super stressful and it’s hard being here now that it’s May.  My inner student is wondering why I haven’t gone home yet and I have to keep reminding myself that I still have about two months left here while everyone else is at home.  To add to my stress I have to come to terms with the fact that Denny is leaving in less than a month and Ollie and Pat will go not long after that.  I am terrified for that day and even more terrified for the three weeks that follow and how I will fare, especially knowing that my job is also up in the air for that period of time.  I wish more than anything that I could just come home and try to sort my life out but I know I can handle this and I will.

On a third front, I am pretty sure that I am going to leave St Luke’s.  My church life has been incredibly unfulfilled and most recently I haven’t gone in weeks.  I also haven’t seen my spiritual director in a little too long but I am going to see her tomorrow and Sunday I am going to church with Denny at St Anna’s to see if that feels like a good fit for me as a church home.  I had a wonderful conversation with Mom and Uncle Larry about my beliefs and felt confident discussing how I feel about a lot of controversial issues in spirituality for the first time ever and I know that deeper understanding and confidence comes from my time here in this program and I am unbelievably grateful for that.

I am thinking that part of the reason it’s hard for me to blog sometimes is I run out of things to talk about so if any of you want to know anything, anything at all, post a comment to this post, ask me a question, I would love to chat with y’all!!

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